As I began to wise up during my mid twenties I began to notice some of my unhealthy patterns whenever I got in an uncomfortable situation or was confronted by a truth that raised fear in me.
I was never taught healthy coping skills or given effective communication tools as a child so I subconsciously imitated the learn behaviors set by the adults in my life growing up.
I lived in the following lies throughout my adultolescents years-
Speak only when spoken to
Its ok to be dishonest to protect yourself
You must prove you’re worthy to be loved
Much like your happiness, your body is not your own
You must do anything for survival
Keep pain at bay by making yourself unavailable and invisible at all cost
Speaking the truth is embarrassing and people will hurt you with it
People are evil and will harm you
Stay silent in the pain and wait for Jesus to speak on your behalf.
Its easier to stay in pain and judge the actions of others who tries to get out of theirs.
Its better to be in pain with a love one then to be alone
What people say abou
t you and of you, matters
Can you imagine this type of dialogues imprinted on your subconscious?!
I am reading all of these lies and I am still in shock of how self-destructive my belief system was.
This was my life!
I couldn’t go backwards into my childhood to get the proper example of self-love, self-respect and nurturing I needed as a little girl.
And now as a grown woman I am faced with the truth that everything I needed as child was not in alcohol, food, a career or a man.
As a child I need someone to reinforce my gifts and strengths that harboring within me. I started to gain my power back when I accepted the fact that everything I seek was already in me. It all remained idle in my soul until I was ready to activate each and everyone.
And honey when I said I tackled each habitual lie– I Mayweather’d each lie with a mean right hook (truth) and a ol’ nasty upper cut (God’s words).
I am wonderfully and fearfully made
I am whole
I am Complete
I am a Queen
I am Worthy
I am Woman, Daughter, Sister, Friend, Family
I am a Conquerer
I am Survivor
I am Courageous
I am Strong
I am Resilient
My cup is always full and I will never make worries of sharing my over flow with people I interact with.
I receive and give love
No one protected that little girl who was raped, emotionally and verbally abused. But I am an embodiment of the love, acceptance and nurturing she deserves and I will show up to give her that and more.
I am light
I am more than my body and adornments; I am force to be reckoned with
I am a soul connected to God
You begin to operate on a whole other level when you know who you are.
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